it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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