mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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