i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
