There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
