Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
