there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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