I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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