I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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