Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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