Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
