we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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