your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
