So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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