so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
