Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize