we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
