If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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