He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
