Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
