I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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