Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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