fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
