yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize