if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
