You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
