The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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