i can't believe i had my finger in that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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