Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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