she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
