If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
