i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
