And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
