I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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