either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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