What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
