Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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