so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
