I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
