He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
