The maid of honor just puked.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
