i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
