Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
