Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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