Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize