All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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