69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
