Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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