your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize