Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
