Small penises have feelings too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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