just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
