We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
