Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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