just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
