I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize