im drinking this country out of the recession.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
