So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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