Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
