I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
