So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
