walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You've changed since you got that strap on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
