forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
