tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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