Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
