Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
