Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
