well I can't set my house on fire every night
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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