me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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