he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
