im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
