I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
