explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
