We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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