i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
