If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
