there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
